After Jinger Duggar Vuolo broke free from her strict household in Arkansas, she and her husband headed to Texas, but salvation wasn’t found there.
“I was in Laredo for two and a half years,” the 31-year-old recalled to Fox News Digital. “As we were leaving Texas, one of the ladies in our community said, ‘I’m going to miss you, but I also feel like I didn’t get to know you. Maybe you didn’t let me into your life as much as I would’ve wished.'”
“It hit me like a ton of bricks,” she admitted. “I had been so guarded. I had been so afraid of what people thought about me that I wanted to keep up this performance. I was afraid that if I showed them that I had hard days, they wouldn’t like me. Maybe they thought I was insecure about what I didn’t know from having grown up in such a tight-knit community where it was cult-like in many ways.”
JINGER DUGGAR SAYS SHE’S ‘FREE’ FROM ‘CULT-LIKE’ RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING: ‘IT JUST CONSUMED MY LIFE’
The mother of two, who is expecting her third child, has written a new book, “People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations.”
It is a follow-up to her 2023 book, “Becoming Free Indeed,” which detailed what compelled her to walk away from her former church.
“I exposed the harmful teachings I was raised under,” the former “Counting On” star explained. “But then I began to realize that I was so entrapped by what people think about me that I was almost unwilling to speak on this topic. I was so afraid of losing my community, my friends, my family, those who I love so dearly.”
“I thought if I spoke up against them, then I would be putting everything on the line,” she shared. “And as a people pleaser, it was the disapproval that I faced that I feared the most.”
Bill Gothard, who was a prominent Christian evangelist, founded the Institute for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) in 1961. His organization has conducted Bible-based seminars around the country on subjects ranging from conflict resolution to achieving financial success.
WATCH: JINGER DUGGAR OPENS UP ON ESCAPING MANIPULATION AND CONTROL OF PARENTS’ RELIGIOUS BELIEFS
Duggar Vuolo was raised by her parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, devout followers of IBLP. The movement teaches that women should be subservient to their husbands and that followers should shun dancing, dating and much of pop culture, People magazine previously reported.
Reps for IBLP and Gothard didn’t respond to Fox News Digital’s request for comment on Duggar Vuolo’s first book.
Duggar Vuolo left the church in 2017 and moved to Texas. Her decision to speak out in “Becoming Free Indeed” wasn’t welcomed by everyone.
“I think it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I realized that at the end of the day, I had to speak my truth,” she said. “It was difficult because I did receive some criticism from friends and loved ones.
“It was difficult… But at the same time, there was an overwhelming majority of them who were helped by [what I said]. They thought, ‘I haven’t stopped to consider if these teachings are accurate.'”
“Helping people come out of the cult-like teachings that I was raised under was the most rewarding thing,” she claimed. “Looking back, I could have remained silent as a people pleaser. But then so many people would still be stuck with those teachings. It has been more encouraging than anything just to see the number of people who’ve been helped by me sharing my story.”
Dugger Vuolo said that walking away opened her up to new fears and struggles. She found herself with a relentless need to be the perfect wife for her spouse, Jeremy Vuolo. The couple married in 2016.
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“I did not realize all the baggage I was bringing with me,” she said. “The teachings of Bill Gothard had been so ingrained in me that I had trouble speaking my mind. I had trouble thinking for myself very deeply. I was always trying to be so agreeable with Jeremy… Because under those teachings, you always have to keep everyone happy and on your good side, especially your spouse. That way they won’t leave you.”
Duggar Vuolo said Jeremy, 37, was dumbfounded.
“He was like, ‘This is crazy,’” she recalled. “I was afraid to have any differing opinion on anything small or big. He wasn’t going to let me stay there. He said, ‘I want to know who you are. I want to know what you think about this topic. I want to know what’s going on inside your mind. I don’t want you to be a clone of me.’ For the first time, I started to realize arguments don’t equal rejection. And if you disagree with your spouse, it’s not a bad thing.”
“I realized I needed to be thinking for myself,” she continued. “I needed to speak up if I felt uncomfortable about something or if I had a different opinion. Jeremy fostered that in our relationship and encouraged me to speak up. He gave me a safe space to talk.
“I think that’s what ultimately got me to a place where I could speak up and share these stories about people-pleasing and expose the teachings of Bill Gothard… When we’re set free to be able to speak up, we can be more loving because we’re able to speak up against bullies and protect the most vulnerable around us.”
Duggar Vuolo said it wasn’t until she had postpartum depression from her first pregnancy that she decided to speak out about her anxieties to others. The couple share daughters Felicity, 6, and Evangeline, 3.
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“It was difficult to realize I had a lot of work to go through,” she said. “I didn’t realize how much [the past] was affecting me. To even acknowledge that was hard. But then I started talking to Jeremy and then with friends about a lot of those differences I was raised under.”
“Layer by layer, I started to realize that they were not Bible teachings, but they were just a man’s opinion,” she claimed about her former church. “They were fear-based. They were superstitious. They kept me bound in fear… I realized I have been living such a life paralyzed by fear when I can’t even love others around me because I’m so afraid.
“I wanted to turn to isolation… And being raised in the public eye from the age of 10 also put a different kind of pressure on me… I was afraid to speak because Bill Gothard said we are supposed to have a constant perfect smile on our faces.”
Duggar Vuolo and her family moved to Los Angeles in 2019. She felt “freer” there and has made plenty of supportive friends. She has also enjoyed some new experiences.
“Even if it’s music that had drums in it, we weren’t supposed to listen to it because it could be harmful to us,” she said. “My little ones like to dance… That was frowned upon. But [I realized] God has given us so many awesome things to enjoy. And yet many of those things were looked upon as wrong.
“With my kids, I see freedom and joy… One of my little girls wants to do ‘princess ballet.’ I wouldn’t have been encouraged to do any sort of dance. But now, I get to see their personalities blossom.”
“One of the biggest struggles for me was to disentangle truth from error,” she pointed out. “It’s no longer a burden or duty to try to keep up all these rules, like not wearing pants, not listening to music with drums, not going to a movie theater. I want to live a life honoring God, but it’s not fear-based.
“Now I see God as a loving, heavenly Father instead of a domineering taskmaster. I can enjoy life to its fullest and the gifts God has given us. That… would have been squelched because you would be living in superstition and fear… Now I have more clarity. Now I can see God as I ought to see him.”
Today, Duggar Vuolo has a close-knit bond with her mom. She dedicated her second book to her. When it comes to her father, however, things are “complicated.”
“There are relationships that are hard with family,” she said. “I think that anyone who has a large family, there’s going to be tons of different personalities… I think that’s what I’ve come to realize… We can agree to disagree.
“I still want to have a decent relationship with my loved ones, whether we see things eye to eye or not. I want to make sure that whatever I’m doing, I am loving them as well. Sometimes that means speaking the truth and having differing opinions on things.”
Life for Duggar Vuolo today is far from perfect, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
“At the end of the day, you want to live a life where you are completely fulfilled, who you were designed to be, who God designed you to be,” she said.
